There is no doubt that affairs can cause a lot of pain, heartache and destruction to one’s marriage. Many people wonder how they can affair-proof their marriage or stop their cheating wife’s or husband’s affair, but there is no magic answer to this. However, we can improve the likelihood of avoiding affairs or stopping an ongoing one with some actions on our part.
The following steps are crucial to keeping an affair at bay, as well as listening to your partners complaints and addressing your needs, otherwise, resistance from needs not being met, can lead to resentment which in turn leads to distance as resentment is repressed anger. Eventually, built up resentment leads to rejection and at this point, affairs can easily happen. The key is speaking up and dealing with issues in the resistance stage.
So what can you do to avoid or stop an affair in your marriage?
1. Recognize that we all have the capacity to cheat
We all have the ability to be vulnerable, therefore, it can happen to anyone . More often than not it comes down to needs not being met. If there is frustration, hurt or resentment about our needs not being met and then someone comes along and addresses those needs, pays us some attention, shows affection and tells us how great we are, even those with the strongest willpower may crack. It may sound strange but awareness is the first key to protecting your marriage. We need to realize that this new person may not necessarily be Mr(s) perfect or our soul mate, but, we are more than likely responding to them meeting an emotional need that should be met by your spouse.
Some people believe they could never cheat on their spouse…That may be so, but under certain circumstances and conditions, many are susceptible. You may have other activities occupying your time such as work, kids, socials and therefore, not pay attention to a third party’s attention or affections, when your partner is giving you none. In this, you may be distracted from what is going and will be less likely to cheat.
2. Give your partner the 4 A’s
Attention, Affection, Appreciation and Admiration and they will reciprocate – the impact of this is massive.
Focus on turning these 4 A’s into actions you take daily. Make it a habit to greet your partner when they come home, kiss and cuddle them every morning and night, ask them how they are and really listen, express and show appreciation for their unique qualities, not just a “thank you” or “you are great”…be specific. Admire them, and they will admire you – everyone loves to be admired and complimented. We tend to hang around those who make us feel good about ourselves.
3. Set boundaries and protect your marriage
The best thing you can do for your marriage if you feel yourself getting close to someone inside or outside of work is to pull away and avoid being alone with that person. Ideally, only see them in group settings and decline any one on one invitations. Another thing that works well is to bring your spouse along to meet them or invite them over for dinner with your spouse. It will change how you interact and that is a good thing if flirting has been going on. Some even end up avoiding the you because they have met your spouse. While this may seem a bit extreme, we all want to protect our marriage and family, right? Hopefully, your answer is a resounding YES!
4. Use fantasy or attraction to improve your marriage.
If you do find yourself fantasizing about what it might be like to be with someone else or find yourself attracted to someone else, look for what the fantasy or attraction could be telling you about your relationship. Could it be a signal that you need more attention, affection or a more fulfilling sex life? Is it highlighting that something is missing? Can it give you clues of what you and your partner could work on to be happier? Analyze your thoughts and see what you can learn from them, they can often teach us how we wish we were with our partner. Then you can use the information to gently and carefully approach your partner and suggest ways you can reconnect again.
First ask them how they view the relationship, what they feel could be changed and what sounds good to them to focus on. This open approach if done well, can spark change and a new era for your marriage.